oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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