I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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