I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think i peed on brittanys purse
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to calm my uterus...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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