I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
