I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize