tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
