Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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