I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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