last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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