Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
