shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about my life...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize