Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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