btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
