I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize