we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
