And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
