make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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