I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
tell me about the eggs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
