he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
