dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
