did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
