the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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