Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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