I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize