evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
