think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
