i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
