Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
