what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
