New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
