Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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