I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
