I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
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She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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