The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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