I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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