God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
