she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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