I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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