just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
