Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
