hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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