i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
