season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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