I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
