he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
