so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
