tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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