You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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