So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
