My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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