If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
