just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
