I wanna passion pit in your ass
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
