So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
