ugly people sure do ruin things
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
