I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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