Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize