i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
