How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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