I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
