Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
