I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
