all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
