i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
